When I packed for Tahiti instead of the labour ward

At around week 30 of my pregnancy I started google searching what to pack in my hospital bag. Such a first-time-mum thing to do. I think I unpacked and repacked my suitcase at least 9 times between week 30 and actual go-time. I had all the necessities.. hair straightener, makeup, 8 outfit changes. My next door neighbour and super mum of two laughed her head off when I asked her what I should pack to wear during labour. Looking back now I can see the joke – because most of my time in labour ward was spent wearing a hospital gown and a three surfboard pads inside a pair of disposable granny panties.

Sadly, i didn’t use the cute little travel sized shampoo and conditioner that I got on sale at Priceline; not because I didn’t need to but because I couldn’t lift my arms above my head to wash my hair (having a scalpel through your stomach muscles will do that to you). I also didn’t get around to wearing the 12 pairs of lacy bonds knickers I had washed and folded perfectly – mainly because the whopper stoppers (maternity pads) provided were a one size fits all and came up around my belly button and bra clips respectively.

On day two my sister arrived with two value packs of the fullest of all full briefs from target, which were perfect and might still get a work out in future as guaranteed husband repellers. SO – in 36 years when I’m ready for another baby ill be packing seventeen boxes of breast pads, a years supply of Bridget Jones undies, and a wheel of camembert. That is all.

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